I would be remiss if I didn't at least post one thing this month. It seems that my posts have been getting pushed to the end of the month lately. It's just been a very busy few months and I've been sick. Next month will officially be the end of what I affectionately call "science fair season" and I hope to be more frequent in my posts. I do have things I'd like to say. It's just that time doesn't permit me or I'm too tired. Anyway... my latest thoughts...
I like to say that a lot of what happens in the book, just happens. I see it. I hear the characters say things. So, that's what ends up in the book. It plays like a movie in my head. Sometimes, I have to rewind and play, rewind and play, rewind and play to get the pause button unstuck when I can't see what happens next or rather, it's fuzzy. Other times, the visions and sounds flood my mind and I can't type fast enough.
As for my last post about jumping, that happens in floods too. I can't help but write something in the "future". I've been thinking about this as I had the latest vision about it. It think it's my brain's way of making sure there's some continuity in the story. What do I mean? Well, if I know something will happen, but I also now know that other things (like stumbling blocks or significant events) will effect this "end result", I can "plan" accordingly. I say "plan" in quotes because again, more often than not, the story just unfolds to me and I'm merely the scribe of it. Also, it tells me that the road there won't be easy or something fun happens on the way there. Think of it as "backwards planning". It's something I do anyway in a lot of areas... especially in teaching. I've naturally done it in my writing, without realizing most of the time. But it makes a lot of sense. If I see that character A and B get into a fight in December, then something must be happening or festering before that. There had to be a reason for it. What's the reason? Sometimes I know right away, sometimes I don't and the reveal is a surprise to me.
But the voices talk to me. At any and all hours. I constantly have to have something I can write or type on to get it down. I don't want to miss it. So, even if my concentration is supposed to be elsewhere, sometimes if my mind is allowed to wander or rest just the tiniest bit, I hear them.. my characters talking to me or each other.
Which I guess begs the question... do I ACTUALLY hear their voices? In my mind's ear (vs. eye), I do. Just like when you read a book and you have you're own picture in your head of what the character looks like (even with the author's description) or sounds like, I have that. My friends tease me (well, tease isn't quite the right word, because I do think they believe it will happen one day and I hope it does) about my book becoming a movie. They want to know who would play each character. I think as much as the looks of an actor fulfilling the roles in my head, the sound of the voice does as well.
Sometimes I wish I could talk my characters out of things. But I can't. They insist on doing whatever it is they are doing. When I want to change things and can't, I know it's because it's them being them. They are true to themselves and I'm thankful for it. When things happen to them that I wish it does, my heart hurts. I feel my chest tightening because of the heartache and I get very sad. But there's nothing I can do but watch them (hopefully) get past it.
So, does all this make me crazy? Hearing voices in my head. Physically feeling an ache because of them? I like to think that if I know I hear and who they are and what the represent, then I'm not crazy. If I didn't know who they are and insisted that they were out to get me or something, then I'd be nuts. But if I am crazy, then what I think doesn't really matter.
Or is this my way of channeling my creativity. I like to think so. I have a lot running around in my head. A lot of it is technical. It's really good to have a creative outlet for the other part of me.
Or maybe I'm some combination of the two. Crazitivity....
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