A look back and a look forward...

So, it's New Year's Eve. Traditionally a time to reflect over the past year and set your goals for the next. But with the popularity of holiday letters that people include in the Christmas cards, I think many people recap their year in early December - or whenever they throw together their letter.



I thought about writing one this year. I really did. A lot happened this year. But I never got around to putting it together. Why? A lot was happening and I got busy. Between teaching, getting my students to work on their science fair projects and my extra-curriculars, I was sick. That lasted about two weeks. Not fun. No voice - which is a bad thing for a teacher. I had a microphone and sound system in my classroom. I used this on a regular basis to begin with, but having no voice and still trying to speak is bad. It doesn't help the healing. I've learned that lesson in the past. So, I called in sick - something I don't really like to do. But being sick sapped my energy and the last thing I wanted to was start a new project - albeit a "short" one.

Instead, I reviewed my year by reading what I've written so far for book 2. I have gaps to fill. I knew it when I was writing - skipping over events that I knew existed , but had yet to write. Now I remember exactly what's happened in my head, but not on paper. So, the end of the year and the start of the next will be about that - going back and visiting my characters earlier on in their journey in book 2 and writing those pieces.

Traveling...

So, between the end of Octoboer and early November, I’ve been doing quite a bit of traveling – especially for someone like me. I mean, I’m not a business person who has to go visit clients or an engineer who has customers out of town. I’m a teacher – and an engineer. Well, within the last three or so weeks, I’ve been out of state twice. Once to Washington, DC and then to Chicago. My students teasingly asked me if I didn’t like them and that’s why I’m leaving them. They probably wouldn’t have noticed it that much except for the fact that I was gone on a Friday, then the following Monday because of the DC trip, then on the Thursday of that week for a teacher training thing, was at school for a week, then gone again for two days. When they ask me where am I going and why, I tell them. And not just the “purpose of the trip” why, but the how and why I got this opportunity. It’s a teachable moment.

I want all my students to realize that opportunities are everywhere. You choose everyday what to do, how to live, how to represent yourself, your school, your family, etc. whether you want to or not – no matter how old you are.

What brought me to DC? I teach at a summer program – sort of a science and math camp. I’ve done it for several summers now. I love it. LOVE IT. Well, love and respect it (and its mission). And the feeling is mutual. I do work for them in the spring as well. So, I was asked to do a demo of what my “class” does in the summer at the USA Science and Engineering Festival that was being held in DC. Between the Festival, a whirlwind tour of some sights and the time difference between the west coast and DC, I was TIRED. But it was totally worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat!



Then it was off to Chicago... where I had a board meeting. Another quick visit to a town. I headed right after school to the airport to catch my flight and arrived in Chicago just past midnight (local time). I pretty much spent the entire time in the hotel meeting room. But we (everyone on the board) went out to dinner. I got to ride in a stretch Hummer! When you have to transport around 18 people, it winds up being more cost effective to rent that to shuttle people around in one group. Who knew? I wish I had more time to spend there, but it was a meeting again the next day and then off to the airport right after the meeting was over.



From Chicago, I didn't even fly home. I went to LA for another board meeting and a formal dinner. It was a great event - talking with high school students from the summer program who were presenting their work and their parents, among others. I was, however, anxious to get home and be in my own bed... and just sit. It was a whirlwind few days...

Which ended with me going back to school on a Wednesday (which was a half day), then having Thursday off for a holiday, then actually having one full day of work on the Friday. Now, that's a work week! Did I get any writing done? Some.. on the plane... the multiple flights I had...

Percolating..

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Sorry. September came and went before I knew it. That's what happens when school starts. Between teaching and everything else - including continuing to write - I just didn't get a chance to sit down and post some thoughts here.

I just came back from a few days in Washington, DC for the USA Science and Engineering Festival. By a few days, I mean, I flew out on Friday morning, landed there Friday night and left to come home on Sunday afternoon. I took in as many of the sights as I could in the short time there since I spent most of my time at the Festival. I love how the buildings/houses look there. The brick, tall brownstone like homes. It immediately reminded me of one of my characters and where he'd live when he goes back East. That made me happy. And sad.

Why sad? Well, when he goes out there, it's about eleven years after the current time frame that I'm writing (did I mention my characters are in high school?). So, this is after college... several years after college. Okay, now that I think about it, more like maybe eight years after... Anyway, without going into details about it (wouldn't want spoilers on here), it's a melancoly time/moment/scene. But I do see the building/house in a happy moment too.

That image has been percolating in my head since I was first driven through DC on Friday night. However, I was able to continue writing in the current high school scene I was working on. This morning however, I kept seeing that building. And it made me happy. Then my brain flipped to a scene that would eventually lead to that happy scene. And I was crying. Tears streaming down my face at 4:00am. I'm lying in bed seeing, hearing the scene and crying. I didn't want to lose the words my beloved characters spoke, so I pulled out my computer and began writing that scene. And cried again, even harder as I tried to get the actions down as well. My alarm went off to officially wake me up and I hit the snooze to keep writing and finish my thoughts. Frantically, I typed to it all out before the snooze went off and I would officially be running late for my day. I did.

When I got up to get ready this morning, my eyes were all puffy and red, my face tear-stained. All this from a book. My book. A scene. In a book that has yet to be finished, but technically has been started. A book for the future -- many years in the future for my characters. But it didn't ease the emotions it created. I hope it ellicts the same emotion from others...

End of summer...

Today is my last official day of summer vacation. It's been a summer of ups and downs and being busy. I've been able to stick with my routine of writing something everyday, although some days I definitely wrote more than others. I need a vacation to recoup from my summer break. Well, more like to get my head in the right frame of mind for thinking full-on for school again. But, at this point, it feels rather like jumping into the pool to just get it over with and get used to the water temp. Maybe it's the jump start I need. I would like more time to focus and research and such for my classes - I'm teaching five different courses this year. I've taught them all before, but the juggling... keeping things straight. I shouldn't complain. And I'm not. I love the classes I teach and wouldn't trade them for the world. I work hard to teach them every year. It'll be fun. But the first weeks of school are always the toughest to get the students trained to how I expect them to be in class - routines and all. Invariably, I miss my students from last year and think that the new group could never be like them. Of course, they never can or will, but always stand out well in their own right.

It's the end of the summer and the beginning of a new year...of students, chances, ideas... of a lot of stuff.

Busy Summer = Slow Summer

It's amazing to me that July has flown by. The summer program I'm involved with has had three of its four weeks in the books. It's the summer... supposedly summer break if you're a teacher. But it's far from relaxed in that sense. It's been very busy. I feel like I've had less time to write. I do get a little in, but so much seems to be occupying my mind that what I thought would take another two weeks or so to wrap up the end of the book, just hasn't happened.

I've sketched it out in my head and am glad that I've been able to envision it. Now, it's just a matter of getting it down. My summer program is wrapping up and I'll have a good couple weeks before I report back to school. I'm looking forward to part two of my summer break to write.

That said, I have gotten varying portions of the series done since my last blog entry. They just weren't for book 2. I've realized that it's okay to put it down on paper. First of all, it gets it out of my head. Sometimes I worry I'll forget certain lines or phrases that the characters say and then it runs over and over in my head, not allowing me to continue with anything else. Secondly, it really does help the earlier books in the series because it truly allows for backwards planning of it. I know where I'm going with it or what pieces/clues have to be there for the future scene.

Today is my birthday and I've gotten little writing done today. I'm going to spend the last two hours or so of my birthday writing for my book... that will be a nice end to a wonderful day.

Strong emotions and ramblings

Emotional upheaval can be good and bad. For the most part, it's bad. It just plain sucks. Feeling horrible, tortured, sad, upset, etc. is not fun. Today I'm trying to channel things. But it's hard. My mind is reeling, my heart and soul hurts.

It was such a busy day even before things went south. So I didn't even get a chance to write. That already put me in a edgy place. If I didn't mention it before, if I don't write I don't feel like me. The world isn't right when I don't write. Tomorrow grades are due for seniors, so I've been busily getting grades done and updated, running various errands during my prep period. I had no down time. Then stuff happened. Anger, disappointment, hurt, bubbled and boiled inside me. It was so bad that I couldn't yell and scream. I was beyond that. I just felt my insides constantly shaking. I desperately tried to control my feelings and find a way to be reasonable about stuff. Ultimately, there was no reason behind things, nothing could justify what happened. And I'm not going into specifics here. There's no point really. Needless to say, I was wounded deeply about something and even now, while I can allow myself to get distracted with other things for varying amounts of time, my heart is not right.

I've stared at the same line in the chapter I'm working on since I got home - when I pull up the file. I've rewritten the line. That last line. The main character and I are in such vastly different places right now. Granted, that's usually the case. Often times, her mood helps elevate me. I can get lost in their lives. I get pulled into the gravity that surrounds that universe. This afternoon, unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I want to channel this energy (negative as it may be) differently. It's given me some ideas for future storylines and chapters. I just have to get my mind in the right place to write. Hopefully, as the minutes and hours tick by tonight, I hope to release this heavy weight in my head and heart. I need to be able to express myself in my book by tonight. I don't want today's event to own me so much.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. Grades are due. It'll be Grad Nite and I'm chaperoning. I've been many times before. I hope to be able to get some writing and editing done. Maybe even work on my letters to agents.

I really need to channel how I'm feeling right now. Even if my characters aren't experiencing the emotions because of what happened to me (which they won't/can't), the feelings I have can be experienced through some other event.

I asked some other people to read my first book. One of the comments I recieved asked if it was what happened to me. They thought it did. I took it as compliment since the emotions and thoughts really came alive for the reader. Right now, I'm trying to hang onto that feeling I got when I was told this.

Ownage and other stuff

It happened again. I shouldn't be surprised. I was going along fine, writing sequentially when I kept wondering what happens at the end of Book 2. In general, I knew what scenes were going to be there, but didn't know exactly how things would come to fruition.

There are times when I talk to my husband and friends about it - to get the creative juices flowly, so to speak. They throw out their opinions and thoughts. Some of it sticks, some of it doesn't. I never make any guarentees that what they say will end up in the story. There are times when I take what I hear and it sits in the back of my head and comes to in the story in a different variation than what was originally said to me. Other things... I know doesn't work or isn't the characters and would never be.

I was writing one chapter, partially done with it (or rather where I know it needs to be in order to be "done") when I kept thinking about the end. Got owned by the idea actually. Slowly, the chapter I was working on got harder to "see" and the end got easier. Granted, it probably isn't the final scene, but it's getting to that point. It got so that all I could think about in my "free" time (who are we kidding, I technically don't have free time with everything I have on my plate) like driving, in the shower, before I go to bed and when I wake up. Lines became clearer and clearer. Soon, I decided to just write it. It owned me. But I was still surprised on how things were turning out. The characters still have a life of their own and the things they do and what they say surprise me at times. It's nice when that happens though.

As for other stuff... this month (like most all of my spring) was crazy busy. "Science Fair" season is now ended, so that busy part of my life is "done" for now. I had hoped that I would get some writing done during the "down" times during it, but that didn't happen as much as I would have liked. Never does. Some of it was my fault, I got a little distracted by reading. I was READING and it wasn't my stuff. Miracles do happen (I can't remember if I've mentioned it before, but I'm not that much of a reader). So, now not only am I balancing teaching, all my activities/committments to the community (let's be honest, that's what they ultimately are), writing my book and now, I've added reading. I know, I'm nuts. But I like to keep busy and I wouldn't be me if I didn't do all that. I'm an overachiever, get over it. I have.

The other thing that I've recently started was a series of snapshots that occur in my book series. For example, there's a scene that takes place at Disneyland. So, I have stand-ins for my main characters and take pictures of them at particular places at Disneyland. So, as things in life coincide with what happens in the book, I bring them along and take pictures. I have my own photo album of things now. It brings my book to life in a different way. It makes me smile, when I take the pictures and when I look at them. Of course, I probably look really strange taking the pictures, but oh well, I'll likely never see those people again. I started this around Decemeber, but have really gotten into my photo portion of my book experience recently. My friend and I joke that when a movie is made on my book, I've already done the scouting and they definitely know the images I had in my head for it.

Am I Crazy or Creative or ...

I would be remiss if I didn't at least post one thing this month. It seems that my posts have been getting pushed to the end of the month lately. It's just been a very busy few months and I've been sick. Next month will officially be the end of what I affectionately call "science fair season" and I hope to be more frequent in my posts. I do have things I'd like to say. It's just that time doesn't permit me or I'm too tired. Anyway... my latest thoughts...

I like to say that a lot of what happens in the book, just happens. I see it. I hear the characters say things. So, that's what ends up in the book. It plays like a movie in my head. Sometimes, I have to rewind and play, rewind and play, rewind and play to get the pause button unstuck when I can't see what happens next or rather, it's fuzzy. Other times, the visions and sounds flood my mind and I can't type fast enough.

As for my last post about jumping, that happens in floods too. I can't help but write something in the "future". I've been thinking about this as I had the latest vision about it. It think it's my brain's way of making sure there's some continuity in the story. What do I mean? Well, if I know something will happen, but I also now know that other things (like stumbling blocks or significant events) will effect this "end result", I can "plan" accordingly. I say "plan" in quotes because again, more often than not, the story just unfolds to me and I'm merely the scribe of it. Also, it tells me that the road there won't be easy or something fun happens on the way there. Think of it as "backwards planning". It's something I do anyway in a lot of areas... especially in teaching. I've naturally done it in my writing, without realizing most of the time. But it makes a lot of sense. If I see that character A and B get into a fight in December, then something must be happening or festering before that. There had to be a reason for it. What's the reason? Sometimes I know right away, sometimes I don't and the reveal is a surprise to me.

But the voices talk to me. At any and all hours. I constantly have to have something I can write or type on to get it down. I don't want to miss it. So, even if my concentration is supposed to be elsewhere, sometimes if my mind is allowed to wander or rest just the tiniest bit, I hear them.. my characters talking to me or each other.

Which I guess begs the question... do I ACTUALLY hear their voices? In my mind's ear (vs. eye), I do. Just like when you read a book and you have you're own picture in your head of what the character looks like (even with the author's description) or sounds like, I have that. My friends tease me (well, tease isn't quite the right word, because I do think they believe it will happen one day and I hope it does) about my book becoming a movie. They want to know who would play each character. I think as much as the looks of an actor fulfilling the roles in my head, the sound of the voice does as well.

Sometimes I wish I could talk my characters out of things. But I can't. They insist on doing whatever it is they are doing. When I want to change things and can't, I know it's because it's them being them. They are true to themselves and I'm thankful for it. When things happen to them that I wish it does, my heart hurts. I feel my chest tightening because of the heartache and I get very sad. But there's nothing I can do but watch them (hopefully) get past it.

So, does all this make me crazy? Hearing voices in my head. Physically feeling an ache because of them? I like to think that if I know I hear and who they are and what the represent, then I'm not crazy. If I didn't know who they are and insisted that they were out to get me or something, then I'd be nuts. But if I am crazy, then what I think doesn't really matter.

Or is this my way of channeling my creativity. I like to think so. I have a lot running around in my head. A lot of it is technical. It's really good to have a creative outlet for the other part of me.

Or maybe I'm some combination of the two. Crazitivity....

Jumping...

If I didn't already know that this book was going to be a series, I would have realized it now. I've seen major events that happen to my characters that I know don't happen in the current book I'm writing. That's kind of happened before. But nothing so definite as the strong desire to get those scenes down on paper (and my paper, I mean of course, the computer). I've done that twice now.

I've mentioned before how I don't necessarily write consecutively. Not all the time at least. There was a long (and by long, I mean six chapters) that I did. These six chapters literally took place one right after another with nothing meant to be in between. Usually, if I write "consecutively" there are gaps I place because I know other stuff will go between them. Not those six. Then I went "backwards" in time (the timeline in the book) to write an earlier chapter. After that... I was compelled to write a chapter that had been floating in my head for weeks, but didn't belong in this book (which I'll call Book 2). It (at the earliest) belongs in Book 3, maybe even 4.

At some point last month, I wrote a chapter that will go into Book 4. Again, I had to write it. It was much shorter than the piece that I've currently jumped to (currently 14 pages, compared to 3). In my mind, I do know that more takes place before and after it. So, it's not even a stand alone chapter, by any means. It takes some setup to explain to someone (like the few people who've read Book 1 and what exists for Book 2) where the characters are at... developmentally and location-wise.

These two "jump" chapters are some of my favorites... probably because they are scenes have been burning a whole in my brain and I finally got them down on paper.

"Teacher" / "Engineering" thinking

Writing is almost like teaching to me. It’s about thinking “out loud” so that other (like students) understand what’s going on in your head. If when I’m doing a math problem in front of the class and I just jump several steps and give the answer, then my students won’t understand anything that happened. It’s not just about getting the “right” answer, but the journey there – showing and understanding the work. To me, that’s what storytelling is about – explaining your thinking.

It’s always been very natural for me to explain my thinking. How else will they know how to do the problem? How else will they know which method to choose? How to think - if I don’t explain how I think?

Writing is a natural extension of this. I have to explain my thinking. I don’t like teachers who “hand wave” a solution. It’s like “abracadabra” here’s the end and you don’t know how it happened. I try not to do that in class and definitely not during my writing.

The engineer in me likes to know how things work and explain how things work. Granted, not all (or many) engineers can explain things well. They tend to get caught up in their own mind and terminology. Communication between engineer and layman isn’t always the best. When I worked as an engineer in an office, I was always the “translator”. It always fell to me to write up the documentation so a user could understand it. I didn’t mind because I knew the others were really bad at it. And bad documentation is useless. Good documentation is gold. So, good writing… in any format is a beautiful thing.

Writing and Sleeping / Writing and Driving

The last 14+ hours have been weird. Weird good, though - in a way. I had an abstract for a presentation I'm doing in April that was due today. I was working on that - definitely a different style of writing. Of course, I would much rather be spending time with my characters and writing my book. But, I had to focus. So, that I did. I got the research, references and the abstract itself done in a few hours. By the time I was done, it was "bedtime". One problem though - I hadn't really written much and I wanted... well, needed to.

So, it was 10:30pm and I stayed up doing miscellaneous things as well as trying to get some writing done. Please understand that if I don't go to sleep "early" I won't get much sleep at all, at least lately. I've been getting up at 3am or 4am the last several weeks. So, going to sleep at midnight, I knew that I would probably wake up at 3am or 4am. I hoped I could at least sleep until my alarm went off at 5:30am, but I doubted it. Sure enough, I was up just before 4am. The thing is, I can't really hate that I wake up that early, because I wake up with ideas floating through my head about my characters.

So, it's 4am and I'm thinking of my story where I had left off before I went to sleep. It's kind of like it was when I was in school and I'd get stuck on a math problem. I'd go to sleep then wake up in the middle of the night knowing how to solve it. Not sure if that happens to anyone else, but it does to me. Apparently, now it's happening to me with my writing. A part that I've been trying to figure out and think about in my waking hours, seemed to get worked out when I slept and I woke up knowing what was going to happen. I laid in bed going over and over it. I didn't want to physically get up at that point, because I really needed to get some rest. But I replayed it so many times, that I couldn't forget it. I loved it!

I didn't get too much of a chance to write it down before leaving for work. But I was okay with that, like I said, I wasn't going to forget it.

Then the next thing happened... another epiphany. As I was driving to work, I had another flash of a scene that was perfect and belonged in the chapter I was working on. But now, I'm driving 65 mph on the freeway and can't write it down. Unlike lying in bed, I can't go over it in detail because I'm trying to drive (and not crash into others - that would be bad). I actually considered pulling over to the side of the freeway to write it down. But I couldn't be late for work. If I pulled over, I would lose track of time and be late. I kept driving. When I got to my exit, I got to a signal light. I seriously considered pulling out my netbook to type out the dialogue I heard. But, again, I didn't. I thought about it again at the next light too. I just wanted to get to my classroom so I could write.

Naturally, when I got to my classroom, I was so anxious that it because hard to write. I had to relax my mind enough to get it out of my head and into my computer. I managed to get it out just before the first bell rang and students started to arrive for class. I love that addition to the chapter. There's so much "hidden" stuff to it... hidden to the characters themselves. But perfect for the overall life of them.

Okay, maybe that wasn't the last 14+ hours, that just happened during the 4am and 7:20am. So, more like a 3.5 hour period. A lot of ideas and clarity in that time.

Stats

My husband, out of curiosity, wanted to know how many words I had written for Book 2. Last time, I kept an Excel file going with the chapter titles, number of pages, word count per chapter and the running total. I didn't think about doing it this time. I just kept writing and writing and writing.

So, because he asked, and curiosity got the best of me, I did the same exercise for this book. I started it on October 5, 2009. From then to yesterday (when I did it), I'd written 71,905 words and about 266 pages. There are 10 completed chapters and several started or in progress ones. Some of the started ones will likely be melded into another chapter because they are scenes that I've seen and needed to be sure to include and aren't stand alone chapters. It's just been over three months. Wow! I didn't think I'd written that much.

This made me look at my book calendar. My book calendar is where I outline my story and what needs to be done, what major events I've written or still need to write. I filled in the other pieces that I hadn't yet and figured out where on the dateline things fell. I was really surprised to see that I do have a large chunk of stuff done. I didn't think of it that way as I was writing. As I said, I just write...

I did get distracted the other day. I got reading something and couldn't put it down. It was a few hours of reading, and I really enjoyed it, but I felt bad that I didn't get a chance to spend time with my characters. Have I mentioned before how much I love my characters? Spending time writing and with my characters is something I struggle with when I think about reading books. I want to continue with the habit of writing everyday, even just a little, and I'm afraid if I get into reading a book, I'll be put in a tough position to choose. I don't want to have to pick between someone else's characters and my own. At least right now, when I'm in the middle of a story. It's already tough to be sure to write here, when I could be working on my book.

It's Friday. Lunch is almost over. My students are laughing, working on the computer, eating lunch, throwing stuff away and I should look back over the last thing I wrote in my book. I love the weekends - although this weekend, I have a commitment for my "real" life that I have to do, so that will be less time to write. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about my book and brainstorming/daydreaming about it while the workshop that I'm chaperoning is going on. The other part of my weekend will be great - writing, hanging out and talking about my story with people that I've shared this with. I'm excited!