Deep breath...

I've been trying to get used to the idea of letting people know about my writing - the fact that I wrote a book. Well, more than one actually.

Several of my students have a project in another class that requires them to ask people a question. They video record the responses. So, over the past several days I've been asked a bunch of different questions from: "If you were stranded on an island, what three things would you want with you?" to "If your picture were in the dictionary, what word would it be under?" to "What thing would you do if you weren't afraid of failure?" My answers (in order): "My laptop, the Twilight series of books, my DVR", "Renaissance" and "Writing a book." The student who asked the last question looked at me surprised because he knew about my book. I told him, I wrote it despite being afraid of failure. It's one of the ultimate rejections... You put your heart, soul, imagination, mind into something and intellectually I understand not everyone will like or love it, it's scary to put out there.

I'm working on the final edit of Book 1. My plan is for it to be out before the school yearbook is released. Why? Well, there's a "senior dedication" in it which is by my main character. It's my own unique (or is it weird) way to launch my book.

In the meantime, I've been trying to wrap my brain around the students at school (and therefore the staff - ah!) knowing about it. So, baby steps... I mentioned to my sixth period class that after we're done with the last unit test and the final, then maybe I would read to them… a story. Of course, that led to the inevitable question “What story?” “One I wrote.” Well, that was yesterday. Today, after the lesson, the guided practice of confidence intervals and significance tests, they had about 15 minutes to get some classwork done. But it was clear that we (myself included) were done for the day. It was just one of the long days for us all. So, I said, “Maybe I should just read to you now.” They were excited.

I was so nervous. I had never been that nervous in front of my class before. I think that even includes my very first day of teaching. You never let them know you’re scared – especially when you are a new teacher. So, I never did. But this time, I felt vulnerable. They could tell. They thought it was cute.

I pulled up my book, projected it onto the screen and began reading. I couldn’t look at them. In my head, as a presenter and teacher, I knew I should. But at that moment, I wasn’t their teacher. I was a bundle of nerves and fear. So, even when I knew the next line or could pause enough to look around the room, I didn’t. I got through the prologue and the first couple pages of chapter one in those few minutes we had left in class. They were surprised how realistic it was. Many of them said they could relate. That made me relieved. But internally, I could still feel myself shaking. It lasted after they left the class, on the drive home, after I shared the experience with my husband and as I write this.

It’s official. Some of my students know I wrote a book. I wonder how long it will take for the rest of my classes to find out…

The Numbers...

I'm a numbers girl. Even before I taught math, I liked numbers. It's the engineer in me.

During the first book, I kept a spreadsheet with the chapter titles, the word count and number of pages for it. After every chapter I completed, I'd update this spreadsheet. For whatever reason, I didn't do that for book 2. I take that back, I think I know the reason - I just wanted to WRITE. The mini-accomplishment wasn't in updating the spreadsheet with new numbers, but in continuing the saga, the next chapter (or jumping to another place in the book to write that chapter). I have so much story to tell, I just kept typing/writing.

I honestly thought that I didn't even start my "stats" spreadsheet. Now that I'm almost done with Book 2 (I'm writing the ending now), I thought about it. I went to Book 1's folder, copied the stats sheet and pasted it into Book 2's folder and discovered that I had already started one. The last time I updated it was last year - 11 months ago! The "start date" I listed for Book 2 was 10/5/09. I am in such disbelief that it's been about a year and half since I started this book. It doesn't feel like that at all!

Before I update the spreadsheet, I wanted to remember some stats from my last update in June, 2010. Of course, now that I think about it, I could just start a new worksheet in the file to keep my original data. But I'm sick and coming out from end of science fair season and am a little slow at the moment. Regardless, I still want to share this information, because it intrigues me.

Started 10/5/09. Last update 6/3/10.
25 chapters (2 officially listed as "not done" but started).
4 "chapters" were partially done. These were more scenes I wrote that, at the time, may or may not be included in this book. They are included in the page and word count.
Word count: 161231
Pages (double-spaced): 596

I wrote 161,000 words in 8 months? I knew Book 2 would be "long" but I had no I idea how long. I'll find out soon when I update the stats... There was just so much story to tell! So much more story to tell.

Body language

I firmly believe that body language communicates so much. One of my first week of school lessons is about that - different ways we communicate. It's not just words. Of course, in writing, you would think that it's purely through words. But it's not. The descriptors of how a person moves or how their tone is plays a huge part in things. It can make a person seem indifferent or jealous. The tough part for me, at the moment, is my characters keep showing me different sides. I know what the underlying and overall takeaway from the scene is and how that will play into a later chapter. But, one character keeps bouncing from indifference to outright jealous and possessive. This then causes the other characters to react accordingly. And every moment I think about it, it waffles. To me, this means they haven't quite decided yet what to do. And it's the nuances of his body language that sets everything off. A glare? A dismissive glance? The clutching of a girl's hand? So, I let it play over and over in my head, writing snippets to both - I'd hate to lose the words/tones to either then kick myself later for not jotting it down like I've done on occasion. This, of course, led to me being up at 1:30am this morning and taking forever to go back to sleep - because my brain couldn't reconcile what was going on with them. So, here I sit during my prep period - sleep deprived (maybe 3 hours of sleep) and desperate to get them to settle down. But they have a mind of their own. They just use mine to communicate to the world.

Favorite moments

It's weird to realize that I have specific favorite moments from my books. Every line is a part of me, so to choose a particular moment is much like picking a favorite child. (Or so they say, I can't exactly since I don't have kids, but it makes sense.) Maybe it's just my favorite part right now. But I do feel that it's one of my favorite 8 lines that I've written. It's short. It's banter. But it wasn't something that could happen earlier in the book or the series. No, relationships between characters take time to build. And my characters showed me that they had grown to that part of their relationship - unbeknownst to them and me. The funny part, to me, is that there is another character observing it all, just like I was. So, in this case, I was sitting there with him watching it all happen. These short few lines speak volumes to where they are and the potential there. It was great!

Difficult scenes

Scenes can be difficult for various reasons. It can be because of writer's block, it's emotional or it's traumatic. Sometimes I think the emotional and traumatic ones create its own form of writer's block. The thing is, these scenes can either cause me to type frantically or sit in a daze. It's not that I don't know what to write, but rather, it's hard to articulate it. I hesitate to say "right", but sometimes that how it feels. It's not that I'm looking for the exact words to be perfect on the screen, it's just literally hard to talk about. My characters are struggling in an uncomfortable moment in their lives and just like any of us in that situation, we search for the best way to explain to someone how we're feeling or what we're thinking. There's a reason why we avoid topics with our friends and family. It's too awkward to talk about, even if we should.

Other times, it's so emotional and like a frantic outpouring of emotions and words. I can't control the rate in which the characters are talking. All I can do is try to type faster. And sometimes I cry because I can't believe what's happening and it's all completely out of my control.

But right now, I'm in an awkward scene. My characters and I will be glad when this one is done.

Music and Writing

Some people find inspiration in music. I'm not sure if I'm one of those people. I find it very difficult to think when music is playing. Let me clarify - music with lyrics is playing. I like to sing along with songs. I do enjoy music - a lot. But if there are words - especially those that I know - my brain automatically gets the pattern and I can't concentrate on anything else. It's the same reason why I could never listen to music when I was studying - ever.

When I drive to work I like to listen to musical scores, so I can think. See my characters. Hear them. Write in my head. It's my routine. Doesn't work when there's someone else in the car, because there's always the pull to talk to the other person. That's not bad. Just not condusive to writing.

But I do like listening to "regular" songs. Current ones, "older" ones. I have massive playlist (called "Misc") on my iTunes that I play during class. Students like working to music - it helps them focus, provides more energy in the classroom. In this playlist there are songs from when I was in junior high / high school through today. Very ecclectic. There's a bunch that students have suggested to me. There are songs that I've found that if there was a soundtrack to my books, it would definitely be on it.

I do have a playlist that is my "soundtrack". These songs didn't inspire me to write, it's more like, "Hey! That captures a scene/feeling/moment in the book!" There's a song that's been a favorite since it came out when I was in high school. I've heard it many times since - especially since I started playing music in my classroom. It's a New Kids on the Block song. All of a sudden, it clicked. It was very fitting for a future book in my series. If my book was turned into a movie, it would definitely have to be in it. Well, the future book. I have written "future" chapters, although that book is far from completed. But I do it as number 8 or 12 in the series. Now, whenever I hear this NKOTB song, I definitely think of my characters and that future moment in their lives. I get transported to it. After the song is done, my mind wanders more to what might happen next or what happens just before it.

I still don't think the music inspires me, but (as it does in movies) enhances certain moments. I don't think I'll see the song the same way.

A look back and a look forward...

So, it's New Year's Eve. Traditionally a time to reflect over the past year and set your goals for the next. But with the popularity of holiday letters that people include in the Christmas cards, I think many people recap their year in early December - or whenever they throw together their letter.



I thought about writing one this year. I really did. A lot happened this year. But I never got around to putting it together. Why? A lot was happening and I got busy. Between teaching, getting my students to work on their science fair projects and my extra-curriculars, I was sick. That lasted about two weeks. Not fun. No voice - which is a bad thing for a teacher. I had a microphone and sound system in my classroom. I used this on a regular basis to begin with, but having no voice and still trying to speak is bad. It doesn't help the healing. I've learned that lesson in the past. So, I called in sick - something I don't really like to do. But being sick sapped my energy and the last thing I wanted to was start a new project - albeit a "short" one.

Instead, I reviewed my year by reading what I've written so far for book 2. I have gaps to fill. I knew it when I was writing - skipping over events that I knew existed , but had yet to write. Now I remember exactly what's happened in my head, but not on paper. So, the end of the year and the start of the next will be about that - going back and visiting my characters earlier on in their journey in book 2 and writing those pieces.